Monday, January 28, 2013

Red

Break ups do not solve relationship problems.

I remember what my great friend told me when J and I were still friends; "You two fight worst than my parents. "You guys.. You are not even dating, but you fight like you guys are already married..." (in Tagalog; original) "Kayo, hindi naman kayo nagd-date pero kung mag-away kayo parang mag-asawa..." Ever since then, I never threw away that thought. When she said that, this little joke of dating J ran through my mind and never thought of flashing back to future I would actually will date J.

Sometimes J and I fight once of twice a month or thrice a month and BIG TIME. We barely even fight, small things we joke around, have little misunderstandings but never have big arguments. This last one, was I say is the worst. I admit, I am never good in handling relationships and trust me, I totally suck at that! (I have an attitude that trust me, runs in our blood, I have bad temper, I am very impatient but for some reasons, I manage to unwind for a bit. I mean who could actually stay with me for this long? But J, he's different. He tries to manage everything, the tough one, but the most vulnerable person I know. I'm not as vulnerable as him, not even my nerves can handle it. I am the total opposite of J. But we have the best things in common. We both eat a lot, have the same interests, play toys from our generation and a lot more) We never slept at problems before. Never, maybe once but not like this. I barely tasted food rolling in my mouth and down my throat, I never ate for lunch and really broke down at our washroom facing the toilet bowl and sobbed. I didn't talk a lot either. My friends were already guessing what was going on but I never said a word about it. Until this afternoon, J decided to talk. I thought do we really have to be in this mad situation so that you could only visit me; too many excuses. But anyway, we talked. Cried. Sobbed and talked. We started walking down the streets of the village. Cars pass by and workers crossing the streets, blah blah blah.

From there, he held my hand. I walked with him until we reached Greenbelt. While approaching the door, I rubbed his hand on my cheeks since it is quite a massage but he jokes on me. And from there, we are fine.

I know we will be better. I know that sometimes he can't handle things anymore and the last decision was up to me. It is hard. It is not even becoming a "martyr". It's what a lot of people say even I do say it to my friends but realizing the worth of our relationship, it's how we managed to survive challenges without breaking up. It is not about staying in a relationship even if you get hurt a lot or lose the fight. It is about staying and proving that a relationship that was built with strong foundation, is not easy to breakdown.

Song in my head:

Out of My League by Stephen Speaks

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